i ii iii iv v

Ancient. Heterosexual. Female. Ferus. Reaver.
inventory / note / lorem

A woman once of grace and delicacy, Annalesca has since changed from the time of her death, centuries ago. Long legs lead up to a slender and petite body. A ribcage pushes against her skin and fur, though it is not as prominent as it might be if her fur was not so thick. She has somewhat large paws, which accommodate her lengthy claws that glow an intense, ivory light. Her fur is thicker than it was when she was alive, soft to the touch yet one would not think so upon first glance. Long ears sweep up from her head where a pair of large antlers takes home. They are lean yet lengthy, growing back from her skull more horizontally than vertically. At first glance they seem made of bone but upon further inspection one would find that they are more crystalline in structure, shimmering a light blue in color, almost white.

She is eerily beautiful, though she would not say so. Her pelt is an iridescent light blue, seeming to change as the lighting does, some lighter purples blending in with the blue and yet appearing to fade entirely. Her tail is long and full, though not as long as some in Victus, brushing against the ground slightly. Her bones retain no color except a rich ivory, as her exposed skull shows plainly. Her eyes, however, are a different matter. Resting within her eye sockets are two flame-like orbs of light. Much like eyes they have a pupil, though it is a lighter gold than the iris which glows a warm amber. A blemish sits upon her skull as well, as plain as day. Her right eye socket is shattered in some areas, cracks splintering down her cheek to her lower jaw and stretching up above her eyes. This is the telltale sign of the betrayal of Annalesca's mate.

More mysteriously, like other spirits, she tends to not be able to completely hold a physical form. Every so often her physique will fade out, growing out of focus and tendrils of light blue, purple, and black with swirl around the ghost of her body, reflecting the surroundings around her like the surface of water. Just as quickly as it happens she will solidify once more.

Annalesca is certainly a woman scorned. In her living state she had been kind and accepting, going to great lengths to help those around her. She was deeply loyal to her family and the clan they had created together and devoted to Lune body and soul. She loved dearly but did not take things for granted or let others take advantage. She dreaded the tough decisions and yet made them all the same, wanting to be strong like her siblings. When she met her mate they had been inseparable. Despite first thoughts, death had not changed her as it might be believed to do so. It changed her appearance, that much was certain, but she hardly felt any different save for a few physical issues. It was what happened after her resurrection that changed her.

After the incident with her mate and her family, her world was shattered. She quickly became pessimistic and bitter, though it is not always she feels this way. Generally this is her outlook on life, but there are days where she feels like her old self again. She is quick to block others out, hiding her true self for fear of being hurt again. She would rather be angered than be saddened, and often times has mood swings because of this, struggling with herself to remain untouched emotionally.

She does not trust as openly as she did before, and would rather keep people at arm's length than go through any unnecessary issues and relationships be it friendship or otherwise. Anna surely can be sociable, but it does not mean she is being open and accepting. She is cold and unreachable because of this, or so it may seem. Subconsciously, due to the betrayal of her mate, Anna finds herself in the company mainly of females and would prefer it that way. She has a bitter bias towards males and it is not uncommon for her to get curt and short with one whether she is aware she is doing it or not. Perhaps in hindsight it is a childish and ignorant state of mind, but trying telling her that.

To others she will appear aloof and uncaring, even if a small part of her might respond to certain situations. She would rather stick to her own than be involved. Her love for Lune also has vanished. Her faith has collapsed, and it will take a lot for her to find it again, if she ever were to do so. She believes Lune had abandoned her and so did the same in return. Because of the Purge and then the battle between gods and mortals, however, Anna has no desire to find that faith again. She is disgusted by the gods.

In her living years Annalesca believed herself to be beautiful and pure, as a Lux, and since her change in death that image of herself has shattered. While she may not blatantly advertise it, she often can feel jealous of women around her, and a small portion of men. Sometimes she is not aware she lets these envious thoughts get the better of her and it can get in the way of potential friendships or acquaintances. Overall, Annalesca is a troubled and warped individual, trying to find herself again and yet unsure of how to do that. She can get stuck in the past and fears focusing on the future.

I was born of the Lux, a daughter of Lune from the start. My family was large, and we considered ourselves our own pack. My litter consisted of my brother and two sisters, though we were not the first litter born to my mother and father. We were pure and untouched, our pelts brilliant white and untarnished by any markings. My eyes were a pale gold in color, nearly white and the only adornment I had were my large antlers. My brothers and sisters had wings or longer tails and some even had feathers dotting their bodies. Perhaps it might be a mystery as to of why you need to know this. After I died, I did not look the same when my soul returned back to my body. But I am getting ahead of myself now.

My family revered magic. To not have magic was a disgrace within my family. I heard a story once of one of my uncles who was born without magic and banished from our little pack to die out in the world alone, as a mere child. My clan was harsh, though I loved my family dearly. We all were beautiful and untouched by the troubles of the world. Healing magic in particular was pursued by my family, and protective magics. That is what we all were taught starting quite young. My life was not a difficult one during this time. By the time I was two years of age we had been to three separate territories in Victus. Our name was not large, nor did we wish it to be. Sometimes we allowed outsiders to join us in our endeavors but for the most part we stayed exclusively together.

It was during this year, as summer was upon us, that I met him.

He was several years older than I, but that was but a small fact to me. He was a loner, injured in some battle over food from starved and dying youths. It felt like fate that we had found him. I was not overly skilled in healing magic, though I knew enough to tend to his wounds. His eyes never left me, and I felt a sense of calm being around him. It simply felt right to be talking to him, to look upon him. I dare not utter his name now, in this retelling of my story, but it is a name I will never forget.

It was decided that after he was healed he would stay within our pack. He did not want to leave, and I knew why that was. It did not take long for him to court me, and my family was quite happy about it. He was also of Lux blood, otherwise it never would have happened and he would have been cast aside after he had been helped. He was beautiful, with light blue fur and large, angelic wings. Together we grew closer to one another, and the more I learned of him the more I knew he was perfect. It lasted two years, and we were preparing to make our own path away from my family when there was unrest in Victus.

Chaos broke out all over the lands, some sort of power struggle between the packs or perhaps something entirely different I do not know. The Acerbus especially benefited from it all. Loners tore through the lands, leaving havoc in their wake. Perhaps it was the fact that I did not know Victus as well as I could. Looking back now, Victus is much, much larger than I was first led to believe when I was younger. This chaos, these spats, could have been because of the local packs rather than those who had a name in this place. My mate was urgent in pulling me away from my family. He wanted to keep me safe and it was easier to evade the danger with less people. I did not get a chance to say goodbye to my family. They were drowning in their own anxiety and even though I wanted to help them I knew that I was equally as unprepared to do so.

Together we ran, though we had no idea where we would go. For months we moved around, trying to find a spot to settle down and perhaps wait it out. Fighting it seemed like a lost cause, and I was told as much by my lover. So we hid, and perhaps I should feel some shame from that but I do not. We found a spot in a forest one night, a little den in the ground where it had caved in. It was a small enclosure made of stone, and it looked as good a spot as any.

Weeks passed and it did not seem like Lune would come to our aid. I prayed every night in hopes that she would answer, for I refused to believe that she may very well have been ignoring us. One night my mate stole into the night, covering the entrance of the den so that he may go and find some sort of sustenance in what appeared to be a rapidly dying world. It was quiet, overall, and there was no reason to believe that anything would have happened. Despite the paranoia and the fear we experienced together, I had not anticipated what happened,

You could smell them before you could hear them. Two of Acerbus blood were stealing through the forest, and I tried to be as quiet as I could. It was hard, only for the fact that I wanted desperately to call out to my mate. Alone I could not take them on. They were significantly larger than I, from what I could see between the cover over the entrance. I waited for them to pass by and not notice our little hiding spot, but hope was not enough to keep them from noticing me. We did our best to conceal our scents but my white fur did not help to conceal me in the darkness.

They were ruthless and merciless as they attempted to fit their large bodies in the relatively small space and pull me out into the open. They spat their curses at me as I tried to fight them off. Perhaps if I had just been strong enough to hold them at bay until my lover returned... There is no use dwelling on it. In the end, the two brutes were successful. They cursed my heritage and called me every name under the moon. They said they acted for Sol and were in the fight to eradicate all Lux blood they stumbled across. It was quick and fast and clean, and that is all I can be grateful for.

I was four years when I died.

My lover no doubt returned to find my body, abandoned in the fallen leaves and twigs and dirt. I could not imagine coming across that sight, and I would not ever will it upon anyone. To know that kind of pain gazing upon the vacant and dead face of your love... I figured death would have been far more peaceful and definite. When I died, I did not go to some other realm. My soul did not travel to another corner of Victus. No, I simply existed. It was dark, a blackness surrounding my existence in this state. I do not remember much from those times, though I do remember the fear and apprehension I felt. I figured Lune would have guided my soul to its resting place, but that did not happen. Nobody could hear me, and I did not understand what was happening.

The concept of time was lost on me. I still do not know how long it was before I became alive once again. I can only speculate how long I was deceased, though perhaps I had never died at all. All I know is that I came back to awareness and was still surrounded by darkness. This time it was different, however. I could feel things again, like the cold, heavy weight of the darkness cocooning me and the ache that spread throughout my body. I did not have much power within me; I could feel it dampened and weakened inside. Whatever little I had left I used it to push against the pressure around me. It did not take me long to realize that I had been buried.

It took all of my strength to pull myself from that hellish purgatory and not panic in the process when it seemed impossible. There had been no rush of air into my lungs as I gasped for it, no cruel skip to my heartbeat as the panic began to ebb away. No, my body was still. I trembled only because of weakness, walking seeming like a thing of the past. It took me several tries to stay on my feet, as if I were a small child learning to walk once again. I felt no hunger and felt no pain, though perhaps it would come back to me eventually. I was disoriented and lost, though when I looked around me there was a vague familiarity. I had been there before, where I had been buried. It looked only slightly different, but I recognized it all the same.

I took my return back to life as a sign of blessing. It meant that Lune had not completely abandoned us. I pushed aside the memories of the Acerbus and what they had done to me, feeling lighter and confident as I regained use of my body once again. The air felt different in the somewhat familiar lands, and I had no use for it when I inhaled to take in the scents around me. Knowing my family, I assumed they still were living in the same area, and I could only speculate that they were still alive and had not faced a fate like I had. It had taken me hours to find them, and when I did our once large numbers had dwindled. They were all gathered around, talking among one another when I came upon them.

All of them fell silent as they noticed my presence. I remember it as if it were yesterday; the looks of dejected horror and some blank stares from unfamiliar faces. Two faces I remember quite clearly. My mother and father, still alive though having aged a bit. It was then I really thought about how long I had been deceased. These were but small details at the time, and the look upon their faces I will never forget. My mother managed to look shocked and relieved yet beneath it all I could see the disgust and fear in her eyes as she stared at me. My father looked equally the same, the entirety of the clan staring at me for what felt like ages. I tried to go to them, feeling a weight lifted off of my shoulders at seeing them all still alive and well. I almost had broken down then and there. Yet as I took several steps forward my parents and siblings scrambled backwards.

They feared me, and were horrified, yet I could see the hatred and sneers on all of their faces.

I did not understand, wondering why I was no longer being accepted. I had fallen at the teeth of Acerbus yet I was back and I figured it was nothing but a blessing for all of us. They called me impure and tainted, spat at me, and told me to leave their sights. They could not bear to look at me any longer. They said and did these hurtful things and I honestly did not know why. I was in disbelief, wondering if it was all some cruel joke being played on me but they continued their abuse until I turned and fled. They did not seem to want to harm me but they no longer held love for me. I was still stricken all the while I ran away, the familiar face of my lover flashing before my eyes. I had no idea where he had gotten off to or if he was even still alive. I had not been dead for long, though it had been more than several years.

If there was one who would accept me no matter what it was him. Or so I had thought. How naive I had been then.

I visited several places we both held dear throughout our relationship yet I could not find him nor pick up his scent. I traveled a great deal of Valyria to find him, before thinking to return to the place where I had been murdered. My body felt weathered and worn down, and I took to resting by a small pond. I had no urge to drink the water, nor any need to, but still I had crept to the edge of the pond. I looked down and was met with the face of a monster. I had not looked at myself since I had come back from the grave by some unknown magic. My white pelt had been changed into a lustrous shade of blue, tinged with purple as I shifted back and forth. My face had been carved away, revealing the skull beneath it. Eye sockets held only glowing yellow embers, deeper than the golden color they had been before. My antlers had hardened, almost like crystals though I never knew why. I was hideous. I was impure.

It was in those minutes, staring at myself in the rippling surface of the water, that I realized I was not completely corporeal. Parts of me would fade, spots of color that swirled and danced through the air, reflecting the foliage around me. Sometimes it was my entire body, even as I moved. Then I would become whole again, though I could feel nothing of these changes. I tore myself away from my reflection, horrified all on my own and wondering if any of it was real. I thought that maybe it was all a purgatory I found myself trapped in.

With earnest I left to find him, the one I once loved and still loved. I was eager to see him again, to tell him of all the wrong that was done by me. I returned back to the place I had died. He was there, almost as if fate had willed it. I made no move to hide my presence and he turned to face me. At first he did not recognize me, his face blank, but something about this monstrous version of me jogged his memory. I remember watching the confusion and grief flash across his handsome face before it was replaced by betrayal and anger.

"You're not her," he had said, taking a step back. He went on the defensive, claiming I was a vengeful spirit come to torment him. I pleaded with him, urging him to realize that it was me and I was alive. He refused to accept it, calling me a cruel twist of nature and claiming it was disgusting that I was a twisted perversion of the woman he had fallen in love with and demanded that I leave him be. It was then that I had told him something only I, we, would have known together. He fell silent, and as those torturous moments stretched on I thought maybe he finally believed me and would come forward to comfort me.

He instead looked as if he had been slapped, face contorting into something dangerous and disgusted. That had been the theme of the time, it would seem. I, too, felt as if I had been slapped as he claimed that he had fallen in love with a beautiful, living woman with a heart of gold, not a twisted and dead shadow of her. I did not expect him to charge forward at me. I had no time to brace, and it all happened so fast. His heavy paw struck the right side of my face, my head snapping to the side with the impact. There was a sickening crack and I fell to the ground in a heap. I could hear pieces of bone clinking against one another as they clattered to the ground. I could feel my skull cracking from where he had hit, narrowly missing my eye.

I was more stunned than physically hurt. I remember that much. I also remember the crushing pain that pierced its way slowly into my no longer beating heart. The hurt of his strike was not felt in what remained of my face but far, far deeper. I looked up at him, on the brink of hysteria. I could feel it slowly creeping through my mind, the weight of everything that had happened too much for me to bear. He was looking down at me, and I could see his own agony at what he had done, but his resolve was far stronger than the conflicting emotions he no doubt felt. I could take the rejection of my family, that was a weight I knew I could carry, but not the rejection from the man who was supposed to love me until we both no longer breathed. We were supposed to live and die together, and it all had ended in a flash.

He left me there, laying in the dirt, watching after him as tears fell from my face. They trickled in through the cracks he had left upon my skull, my face, dripping into my mouth though I could not taste them. For the longest time I simply had laid there where I had fallen, considering the fact that maybe it all would end and I would have felt all of that pain for nothing. But that reprieve never came for me, and I was left alone, not feeling the cold of the night or the breathing in the crisp air into my lungs. I felt betrayed, finally. Not just by my family and lover but by Lune above all else. She may have brought me back but she did not stop these terrible things from happening. It was later that I found out it was not even simply Lune. Some dark magics in Victus brought the dead back, a magic that I felt even stronger decades later when the pack of Atrox did their ritual to try and control the spirits but instead unleashed power that raised the dead on a massive scale.

I had nowhere else to go, and when the world was once more seemingly in balance I left that corner of Victus in favor of somewhere further away. Too many memories to face and too much pain, so I decided to leave it all behind me as best as I could. The resentment and anger burned slowly within me as years continued to pass on. Even now, as I continue to stalk through Victus, it is ever present. There is nothing I can do now, however, except continue on, looking for a place in this fucked up world, a world even more fucked up by the gods and their attempt to eradicate it. A catastrophic event I did not expect to survive, even as a spirit. And I didn't. I faded away into the ether the same as when I died, unsure if I would ever find release.

RELATIONS MAYHAPS? Old threads or something idek

she's rotten
and so beautiful
Annalesca Vynae